6/20/05 The Pouring Rain, Part II

So, for one very long week we waited alongside the Harris family. I wish law enforcement would have at least told us the remains belonged to a female. They knew, but decided they weren't going to reveal anything. Every few nights, I would visit or talk to the family and we would talk about our hopes and our fears. The waiting was taking a toll on all of us. I remembered clearly the time we had to wait a couple of years before this when the body of a young man was found in CA. He had been brutally murdered and authorities thought it was Jason. It was 2 1/2 weeks before we found out through DNA testing that it wasn't Jason.

I still remember the horrible thoughts and the visions that would come into my mind while waiting. No one should ever be in a position of having these visions, but it seems inevitable that the mind wanders to that dark place where we "see" what may have happened to the person we loved. The mind takes you to the scene of the decaying and brutalized body, despite your objections. You wonder and hope beyond hopes that the end came quickly. What were his last words? What were his last thoughts? What kind of person could commit such atrocities? The questions seem endless. You fear for your loved one and you also fear having to enter into a new mystery. Most of us discover ways to deal with the ongoing trauma of having a missing person in our lives, but to be forced to deal with a new trauma is unthinkable.

It was not our time for answers. On Friday afternoon, May 19th, I was out doing errands. I took my son to the DVM and waited in the car for him. I decided to take that time and check in with Melissa Harris to see how she was doing. It was approximately 3:15pm. We talked for a few minutes about the prayer vigil that was planned for Amber that evening. She was getting ready, so we did not talk long. I arrived home at 4:50pm, and as soon as I sat down, my phone rang. It was one of my board members. It had just been announced on the news that the body found in the park belonged to Amber. I thanked her for letting me know, and turned on the local TV news.

All the stations were carrying the story. I watched, but could not seem to grasp what I was seeing. It just did not seem as if it could be true. I could not deny what I saw, and it then hit me like a ton of bricks. I thought of Brad Dennis of KlaasKids and wondered if he knew what had happened. My hands shook as I dialed his number. He needed to be told. I knew when he answered that he already heard the awful news. Neither one of us could speak. We sat in silence, the pain like an invisible wire connecting us. I choked back the tears and said goodbye.

It was not raining outside that day, but it was in my heart.

To be continued.........................