Monday, June 19, 2006

6/19/06 The Pouring Rain, Part I

There was a day in May when it began to rain. It seemed as if the rain would never end. It was relentless in its mission, which to me, appeared as if it was to pound at me until I collapsed.

In some ways, this rain actually began last October. I remember with clarity where I was and what I was doing when it started. I was in Lincoln, attending the 5 year missing day event for Gina Bos. I was called to go on stage and give a brief talk. I opened my mouth to speak and the only word I wanted to utter was "No.". At that moment it hit me like a ton of bricks that the next time we would face this annual date, it would be our 5 years, too. Needless to say, whatever I said was not what I planned, and I doubt it was effective.

'No" meant that this couldn't possibly be happening. It objected to the surreal life that was now ours. Surely we could not be at the 5 year mark. 5 years is much too long to be surrounded with this mystery, like a cloud hanging over our daily lives.

"No" meant that rather than having this empty hole in my heart that Jason should be here with us. Like a thief in the night, his life was snatched from us, depriving us of whatever might have been in his life: a celebration of his college graduation, a move into his own home, his marriage, and perhaps even the birth of his children. So many things can happen in 5 years. It's a half of a decade!

"No" wanted to snuff out the past 5 years and have him back with us. It tried to demand that he be safe and sound and that we hear his voice and his laughter once again. "No" wanted another hug and was even willing to settle for one that was brief in contact.

All of the "No's" did not change anything, however. Time kept marching on and us along with it, like reluctant soldiers off to war.

Spring came and brought flowers in the way of blessings, but it also brought reminders of our situation and the possibilities. It almost seemed to be timed in a certain interval. In early April we learned that one of our longer term cases was found deceased. We'd worked with Jeffrey Ben's family since the early days of Project Jason. He was about the same age as Jason, and had been missing for 5 years. In mid-April, we were told that Lorne Boulet, Jr. was also dead. At the end of April, it was the family of Shay Eisenhardt who received the answers that none of us want. She, too was dead.

On May 11th, human remains were found in a park north of Omaha. Authorities would not tell us that we could rule out those remains as having belonged to Jason. The media swarmed over the home of Amber Harris, a 12 year-old girl who had been missing since the end of November. We assumed they did because her case was well covered in the news in recent times, and ours was not. There was a rumor that the condition of the bones would lead one to think the remains were much older than what could belong to Amber. The media didn't know anymore than we did. No one was talking.

We had grown close to Amber's family throughout the past 5 months as we provided our services to them for their missing daughter. Now we both waited and wondered. We hoped the body did not belong to anyone we knew. We hoped that perhaps it was an older homeless man whose family had either died or lost touch, so that no one would be hurt from the answer that was to come. Sometimes I would hear rumors that sounded like it could be Amber and then the next day I would hear something that sounded like we could not rule out Jason. It would be a week before we knew the answer.

The rain continued to pour.

To be continued......................................


Anonymous Anonymous said...

I do feel your pain. Hang in there OK?

1:46 AM  
Blogger Mimi said...

Kelly.........I am with you always in thought, I know the pain that you speak of all too are a strong woman and a great inspiration to those of us that trudge through this war with you. I am so glad that you are back, writing on the blog, I missed your words that comfort me everyday. I'm here for you anytime that you feel the need to talk. I hold Jason and all your family close to my heart and in my prayers everyday.

Love and Hope,

8:25 AM  
Anonymous Carol said...

Where I live it rains.....and it rains....and it rains!!! It sometimes rains so much that it is said we do not get tan here, we rust!

But, the rains do cease. All that has been soaked and beaten down to the ground slowly starts to stand up again. Leaves and stalks have been cleansed and can take in energy from the sun again.

As the sun warms all that the rains have poured down on for all of the winter months, it becomes so obvious that those very rains that were thought to be harmful and damaging, are instead, what makes everything strong and beautiful and glorious!!

Welcome back, my friend.

10:53 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I want to add to the chorus of welcome backs. Your absense has been greatly felt and knowing that you are still hard at work helping others and holding hope yourself is the best medicine against the downpours of life. Kelly, my friend, you are a ray of sunshine. Don't you ever forget that.

Love and, as always, prayers,


1:15 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I pray with you!

12:25 AM  

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