11/17/05 Te Amo, Claudia--Conclusion

Joaquin Burgos sits in front of the computer for a good portion of his day. Little by little, he gets his missing granddaughter’s photo and information posted on websites and forums all over the Internet. Sometimes when posting on the forums, he gets banned and his posting about Claudia is removed. They consider his post to be SPAM. I wonder how differently they would think about it if she was their missing loved one?

Despite these little hurdles, he goes on, day after day. Sometimes, he does not have a good day physically. His body aches and every keystroke is difficult, but yet he persists in going on. Sometimes, the ache is in the heart…the part that we cannot see. He asks me: “Is it normal to feel angry sometimes?” “I feel guilty if I do not search each day.” I explain these emotions are all within that is now “normal” for the ongoing trauma we deal with. I help him understand why we might feel the way we do.

It can also feel as if no one cares and no one is listening. Claudia’s case has received little publicity. She did, however, get her photo and information shown on the Nancy Grace Show through our affiliation with KlaasKids. Tears sprung to his eyes to see his beloved Claudia on the show.

Joaquin cannot fathom that Claudia could willingly stay away for such a long time. Their relationship was much stronger than the norm. Let’s take a peek into the life they had together, as told by Joaquin:

“Claudia and I were always together when she wasn’t in school. She would come home from school, and the first thing she would do would be to give me a hug and a kiss.
We would always hug and kiss. It was something we wanted to do always in case some thing would happen to either one of us.

When she was around 10-11, she used to sit on my lap and drive my powered wheelchair at top speed. She would cut through yards that slope just to feel the chair fly a little in the air. She called it “mud bugging”. I called it feeling every bump, but it was a lot of fun. We’d also go to the lake and sit there looking at the water, talking about how she wanted to be a pediatrician when she grew up. She was fascinated by the water. We would try to bring in the baby alligators to get a closer look at them.

When at home, Claudia would always want me to sit next her if it was to watch TV or listen to music. No matter what, we were close to each other. She loved for me to brush her long hair while she watched TV or was on the computer.

Claudia knew how to build a computer from the age of nine. I had taught how to work on computers, because she had asked if she could get one. I told her yes, but she would have to build it herself, and that is what she did.

When Claudia was ready to go to sleep, she would always have me sing to her a song or two. Her favorite song at that time was one from the movie “Shrek”, and a Japanese song called “Sukiyaki”. She wanted me to sing it in Japanese, so I learned it just for her. Here are the words:

Ue o muite arukoo
I look up when I walk
Namida ga kobore nai yoo ni
So the tears won't fall
Omoidasu haru no hi
Remembering those happy spring days
Hitoribotchi no yoru
But tonight I'm all alone

Ue o muite arukoo
I look up when I walk
Nijinda hoshi o kazoete
Counting the stars with tearful eyes
Omoidasu natsu no hi
Remembering those happy summer days
Hitoribotchi no yoru
But tonight I'm all alone
Shiawase wa kumo no ue ni
Happiness lies beyond the clouds
Shiawase wa sora no ue ni
Happiness lies above the sky

Ue o muite arukoo
I look up when I walk
Namida ga kobore nai yoo ni
So the tears won't fall
Nakinagara aruku
Though my heart is filled with sorrow
Hitoribotchi no yoru
For tonight I'm all alone

Omoidasu aki no hi
Remembering those happy autumn days
Hitoribotchi no yoru
But tonight I'm all alone
Kanashimi wa hoshi no kage ni
Sadness hides in the shadow of the stars
Kanashimi wa tsuki no kage ni
Sadness lurks in the shadow of the moon

Ue o muite arukoo
I look up when I walk
Namida ga kobore nai yoo ni
So the tears won't fall
Nakinagara aruku
Though my heart is filled with sorrow
Hitoribotchi no yoru
For tonight I'm all alone

I would stay with her until she was fast a sleep.

Often, when we went walking around, she would pick a flower and give it to me, and then I would do the same for her. Red and pink roses were her favorite flowers. Every night when she was sleeping, I would put a fresh rose or two in her room. She would find it in the morning along with a little note saying to her how much I loved her and appreciated her in my life. She would write me little notes also telling me she loved me. Oh, how I miss this child.”

Claudia may not be with him in a physical sense, but he still manages to write her letters expressing his love in the form of his attempts to find her via the Internet. Joaquin wants everyone to know this:

“I can deal with physical pain, but this kind of pain is just too much. The not knowing if she is ok is the worst part of all. So, to every one out there I will say: “Hug the ones you love and keep them close. Let your children know you love them, always. Let them be the first thing you think about in the morning and the last at night...hug and kiss them every chance you get, for you never know if it will be the last time you see them.

I will never give up the search for Claudia as long as I am alive.”

Claudia’s website is http://www.geocities.com/findclaudiaperez/