Home for the Holidays: Randa Jawhari 1/10/2010

Randa Jawhari, missing from Fenton, MI since 2/10/2009

I come from a large family. There are 8 kids in our family, 7 girls and 1 brother. Randa is 3^rd from the youngest born, and has a fraternal twin sister. This has been a very difficult year, since Randa has been MISSING since February 11^th, 2009. It’s been almost 9 months now, without any clues left behind of her whereabouts.

I’m finding it very hard to celebrate any occasion; I have not celebrated any birthdays, holidays or special days since Randa’s disappearance. Since Randa’s disappearance the days that seem to bring joy to so many people, are the days that bring grief for my family and I.

When Mother’s Day came around, I was weakened by the day. I just couldn’t face my mother or Randa’s daughter. How do you comfort someone, when you need comforting yourself? I called my mother and apologized, but I was grateful to know my mother’s sister’s came from Ohio to spend the day with my mother. My mother still cries every time I see her. I can only imagine what my mother is going through.

Randa’s daughter Mattilyn, turned 7 in April, which is the same month as my birthday. Although my mother did have a birthday gathering with Matty’s friends, I went there to help my mother. It was a very sad day for my mother and me, because we tried hard all day to put our best face on for Matty. Matty’s birthday was considered a huge holiday for Randa. I think Randa thought it should have been declared a national holiday. Randa would immediately start thinking of Matty’s next birthday celebration after Matty’s birthday.

It was difficult on my birthday as well. My family and I agreed not to buy birthday gifts for each other, since our family was increasing. We decided we would only buy gifts for the children in the family, but not the adults. Randa didn’t agree to it, because every time our birthdays came around, Randa would still buy gifts, even though she lived on a minimal income. Randa’s heart was a giving one; that is my sister; that is my friend; that is the person I want to scream to the people that don’t know her.

Easter came around as well. Randa had so much faith. I believe she had more faith than my whole family did. She was a prayer warrior. I have not been back to Church since her disappearance. It’s not that I don’t believe anymore, but I had prayed for Randa the morning of her disappearance, before I had known she had disappeared. I just believe no matter how much you pray for someone, God is still going to allow things to happen anyway. I do know I still love Him, and I don’t want to live without faith, but I can’t understand this. I hear it all the time that everything happens for a reason, and it is always for the best, it is for something we need to learn, but you have to believe. I don’t know what I need to learn, but I do know whatever it is I need to learn, it is not worth the pain, it’s not worth losing my beautiful sister.

We celebrated Randa’s and Ghada’s birthday in June, by having a prayer vigil for Randa. That day just didn’t seem right, a day always meant to be celebrated, and was celebrated by a vigil. It was a good reason, to have the news media come, just to get my sister back in the news. Now we look for reason to get Randa back in the news. We have one billboard in Fenton, on the expressway, and hopefully we’ll have another one up on another expressway. It is the billboard that is still keeping the public aware my sister is still missing. As many times as we have posted and reposted flyers, people still bring them down. The billboard and flyers are difficult for my family and me to see. It feels like a stab in the heart every time we pass them, but it is something necessary when you have a missing loved one disappear.

Holidays are difficult. When someone you’ve loved your whole life is missing. My family and I have not celebrated anything. I don’t want to celebrate anything. I don’t ever want to take another family picture again, I just can’t do it. The prayer vigil for Randa was the first and last time my family has been together in one place. That was appropriate, I could handle that, but I can’t handle a family gathering right now with Randa still missing.

My favorite holiday memory that I have of Randa, is New Years Eve. We had a family member that had been struggling with drug addiction who was in rehab at the time. Randa and I dedicate that night to her, and said we would not drink any alcohol all evening. While everyone in club was drinking and acting stupid, Randa and I stuck to our plan, and had more fun than everyone else in the club. I think we were the only two straight people there. I miss her!!! Randa loved the holidays because she always looked forward for any reason our family would get together. She just loved hanging out with the family.

My favorite present that I had given Randa, and my favorite present Randa has given me, is the love that we had for each other. I love her so much. Randa is a beautiful jewel in the midst of our family. I have had a history of painful events within my lifetime, but if I added all my painful events that have happened in my lifetime, it would not equal to the pain of not knowing where Randa is, or what happened to my sister. This is different than anything I have ever experienced. I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy. Life still continues to go on. Sometimes I wish the world would just stop to catch my breath. I am still working; I just started to go back to school, which I was in the process of doing before Randa’s disappearance. I had to put it on the back burner for a while. I am trying to keep myself as busy as possible, I think being busy is good for me, but no matter how busy I may be, my sister is always on my mind and in everything I do. Sometimes I can do nothing but feel the pain of Randa missing. This is pain that is indescribable, I can’t explain it, I can only feel it.

I know tragedy happens where people don’t always have an opportunity to say good-bye, with sudden deaths, but they have closure in knowing what happened to their loved ones. I consider people to be blessed in having an opportunity to say good-bye to their loved ones. I have a need within me to let Randa how I feel. I have regrets in wanting Randa to know how sorry I am. I miss her voice. I miss her face. I miss hugging her, I miss our talks, and I miss her phone calls, which I received almost every day from her. I miss everything about her, I feel as though there is a void within me that Randa can only fill. I feel as though I’ve contracted an incurable disease, and Randa is the only cure to save me.

Where I find strength to continue to search for Randa is the fact that we haven’t discovered the worst case scenario. She is still missing and anything is possible. I find strength in every time I am doing something in her search. Whether posting a poster, calling on the media, writing this letter, or anything else I can do in helping in the search for my beautiful sister. I don’t feel good in doing nothing. I have to answer to myself, to Matty, my mother, my family and to Randa, to say one day that I have done everything in my power in trying to find Randa. I will never give up, no matter where I go; I’m always looking for my sister.

Yes, the holidays are among us. What do I say about that? I have nothing to say to that, my sister is missing.

To all those that have missing loved ones, I feel your pain. May we all find the answer to the question of what happened to those we’ve loved our whole life. May God give us the strength in knowing the truth!!!

Sincerely,

Naheda Jawhari

Learn more about Randa

Home for the Holidays: Pam Biggers 1/7/2010

Pam Biggers, missing from 1/28/2008 from Panama City, FL

The holidays are upon us once again, and once again my sister, Pam, isn’t here to share in them. The lives of Pam’s family have a huge hole in them on a daily basis though the holidays are even more difficult.

Pam was always the one that took charge and planned for the family holiday dinners and events. This year would be especially full of treasured holiday moments for Pam and her husband, Don, if she were here.

This past year our family was blessed with two beautiful gifts. Their names are Braylen Cody Biggers, born to Zachary and Brittney Biggers on December 17^th, 2008 and Jesse Dylan Biggers, named after Pam’s dad, Jesse Pendley, who passed away 6 months after his daughter went missing. Jesse Dylan was born to United States Marine Cpl. Jacob Biggers and his wife, Brittany on October 6^th, 2009.

Each of Pam’s sons now have sons of their own. They are sunshine to our grieving hearts. They are a sweet relief from the nightmare that became a part of our life when Pam disappeared. I want so very much for them to know Pam and to know the love that she would have for them. There is nothing that would bring Pam more pleasure than to know that she is a grandmother.

I don’t want to give up the hope that Pam will be found and the hope that she could sweep those two baby boys into her arms and love them and know them and feel the joy that they bring. I desperately want that for them and I want it for Pam.

Pam is my big sister, two years older than me. I have shared holidays with her my whole life until last year. I miss her deeply. My mom, my brother, her husband, her children, her friends and family, we all miss her more than words can tell.

It is difficult to go on not knowing where Pam is or if she is safe and not knowing if Braylen and Jesse will ever know the sweet love that their Nana Pam would bring to their lives.

Written by Paula, Sister of Pam

Learn more about Pam

Home for the Holidays: Joshua Smith 1/5/2010

Joshua Smith, missing from Ponte Vedra Beach, FL since 11/4/2000

Christmas and Joshua

Written by Vicki Smith, mother of Joshua

Out of all my children, the one who loved Christmas the deepest was Josh. He seemed to feel that true Christmas mystique and magic as a child…..the excitement often drove him to total distraction.. Each and every Christmas throughout his childhood, Joshua was the one who provided us with the glimpses into Christmas through dreams dancing with sugar plums. Oh only a few lucky ones of us have those kinds of dreams!

Once, on a Christmas Eve that seems so long ago now, Joshua came wandering down the stairs well after we knew him to be sound asleep. “What’s the matter, Josh?” his daddy asked. “I don’t know, Dad”, Josh said. “I just couldn’t sleep. Excited I guess.” Then he sat beside me.(happily Santa had not yet paid his visit) So, Josh sat there on the floor watching the fire and then he decided to sing a Christmas Carol. No lights were on....just the glow of our tree and the fire dying down in the fireplace. We all remember those little boy voices that sound so innocent and carry throughout the house like a beautiful little angel had swooped by to pay us all a visit, right? And then, one by one, the other two drifted into the room, pulled to us by that clear and sweet little voice softly singing, we think.

But who really knows what really woke all three of them on the Christmas Eve night? Joshua might have told you that one of Santa’s reindeer pawed too loudly on the roof..or shook it’s head and the sleigh bells were a little too loud that year. And again, one by one, each of them joined in and there we were having a moment that couldn’t have turned out more beautifully if we had planned it.

Josh led his “choir” the rest of the time choosing each song and coaching the little ones with the words....his excitement, as always, carrying us through that night! And finally, sleep seemed to creep in and each one fell into slumber once again. Their daddy carried the boys and I picked up the baby, my daughter, and up the stairs we went. And this is when we think the distraction part joined the Christmas party...Josh woke up just enough to walk into his room and - Gasp - shut the door, which had a broken latch on it and could not be opened from the inside!

When Christmas morning rolled around, and Josh tried to open his door to come and see the gifts....he was panic stricken!! He just knew that Christmas would pass him right on by and he’d miss it all, but good old dad eventually saved the day and took off the door knob so that Joshua could join his siblings for the great reveal!!

Later we commented on how he calmed down after his initial panic at being trapped, and he said: ”Yeah..I got to thinking about it and looked over at my manger scene I made a church and got to thinking about how Christmas really is suppose to be about Jesus being born, not about me getting stuff and I just stopped being afraid!”

So, that even today when I think of Joshua being gone from us for so long now, I remember his faith, his joy at that Christmas time, and I remember to express my own gratitude to God for not only His Son, but for mine as well. Merry Christmas Josh, where ever you are. We love you. Even though no celebration will ever be alright without you here, those special Christmas memories carry us along each year as we dream of your return to us: The greatest gift we ever could receive.

Learn more about Joshua

Home for the Holidays: Amber Dubois 1/1/2010

Amber Dubois, missing from Escondido, CA since 2/13/2009

CHRISTMAS JOY

The celebration of Christ’s birth has always been a special time, but the blessings of Christmas filled me with renewed appreciation of life when my granddaughter, Amber Leeanne Dubois, was born 15 years ago. My own Mother had died just before Christmas the prior year, and Amber brought back Christmas Joy to our entire family.

It became a tradition that Amber spend the week before Christmas with me, and, by last year that included Amber’s little sister and her two cousins–4 lively granddaughters aged 14, 11,8 and 5. I live in a very small house and every square foot is decorated and filled with presents by the time they arrive for the holiday.

Usually, I take dozens of photos during this week, but the appearance of my camera on the first day resulted in a chorus of “no pictures”, with Amber leading the revolt by covering over her face with a pillow. I put away my camera, knowing that I was gifting Amber with a great camera and she would use it to the fullest once the gift was opened.

It rained that entire week. Torrents. The girls had planned to ride but the mud was too thick for the horses and could not be considered. The girls wanted to take the horses their Christmas carrots so we waded through to the nearby stable to give the treats to Rojo and Sally on December 23rd. Returning home, wet and muddy, required showers and robes and pj’s.

Amber’s favorite robe is an old one of mine. The royal blue color makes her lovely eyes shine even bluer. The robe has a jolly frog on the front and back. She loves to snuggle into it. All cleaned up, we all settled down to read, play with hand held electronic games, or,with Ariel, Amber’s Labrador who lived with me in her old age.

The younger girls rearranged the Christmas manger scene still another time. The statutes have been chipped by the hands of my three daughters and now by the grand children over these past 46 years, but, their little hands have always been gentle with baby Jesus and there is not a chip to be found on Him.

As I sat looking at these beloved children, my blessings seemed larger than I could express. I wanted so much to take photographs to keep these precious images forever fresh, but, I did promise to put my camera away. Being a teenager and extremely bright, Amber was quick to point out possible alternatives to situations. I decided to do the same having noticed my phone was on the table next to me. I set it for a photograph and quietly said “Amber.” She turned her head towards me and I took the photo as she exclaimed “Oh, Grandmom!” We had a good laugh after that but I had to promise no phone photos either, and I did so.

It never entered my mind that this might be the last time I would be able to take a picture of her? I hope and pray that it is not.

Amber’s Grandmom

Sheila Welch

Paramount, CA

Note: Amber has been missing since February 13, 2009, from Escondido, CA

www. HelpBringAmberHome and www. BringAmberHome

Home for the Holidays…

When I first received an e-mail which asked me to write a letter about our home during the holidays, I paused for a moment to think back on the last few holiday seasons. For about a minute or two I had a smile on my face which very quickly turned into about an hour or two of nonstop tears.

Since the morning of Friday, February 13^th, 2009 everything in our life got turned upside down. On that Friday morning, our daughter Amber, while walking on her way to school, went missing. Amber was last seen about 200 yards from the front gate of her school by two adults who know who she is. Unfortunately, she never made it that final 200 yards.

It has now been over eight months that our precious angel has been gone. There are no words that can describe the sadness and utter frustration that a family goes through when they don’t know where their loved one is. During the past eight months we went through Easter, Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, Independence Day, the entire summer, and we are now 2 days away from Amber’s 15^th Birthday. It feels like each of these difficult days is harder than the last. As we reach the final months of the year we are going to be dealing some of Amber’s favorite days of the year. Her birthday, Halloween, Thanksgiving, and of course there is Christmas.

Over the last few years as the kids in the family all became teenagers, Christmas time has changed from being all about the presents to being about the enjoyment of having the family together. Our family enjoys the fun and laughter centered on the games we play every year and of course the great food we always have. One game we play every year that everyone loves is the 7/11 game. In this game you need a present which has been gift-wrapped about 7 or 8 times, 2 dice, and something like a shoebox to roll in. You pass the box and dice in a circle with each person rolling the dice when it’s their turn. When someone rolls a 7 or 11 they jump up and put on a scarf around their neck, a beanie on their head, and 2 large oven mittens on their hands and attempt to unwrap the present. As the dice continue to go around in a circle, whenever a 7 or 11 is rolled, that person jumps up and takes the props from the last person and takes over the un-wrapping of the present. Whoever finishes unwrapping the present gets to keep the present. Sounds simple, but it is not easy to open and everyone has a great time playing. We have several of these types of games that we play and it truly makes for a fun day.

I can’t even begin to imagine what this holiday season will be like if Amber is still missing and not home with her family. The neighbors all know when we are playing our games; they can hear the screams and laughter from the street. This year all that will be heard is an uncomfortable silence that will echo the sounds from the last couple of years and of the sound of a certain missing laugh from our precious Amber.

Written by Amber's parents, Maurice and Carrie

Learn more about Amber

Snohomish County Jane Doe 1/1/2010

Posted at the request of the Snohomish County Sheriff’s Office.

They state that DNA, dentals, and fingerprints are entered in the appropriate national databases.























Please visit our site at http://projectjason.org/forums/index.php?topic=7700.0
for more information.

Help give her a name.

Home for the Holidays: Randy Spring 12/29/09

Randy Spring, missing from Whitewater, CA since 10/10/1988

BRING THEM HOME FOR THE HOLIDAYS

I am the mother of Randy Spring who disappeared on Oct 10,1988. Randy spent six years in the U.S. Army serving in South Korea, Colorado Springs and Hawaii. He was discharged March 1988 and we were all happy that he would be home this year for the holidays, however, things changed and Randy decided he would like to go camping and hiking in the San Jacinto Mountains, near Whitewater, CA. I took him to the place where he wanted to be dropped off and only expected him to be gone for a few days, after 10 days and no word from Randy the Sheriff Office was notified. They did a search but with no results. Randy had shown me maps where he was going but after all these years I feel he never went hiking at all. Did he meet someone or did something happen-only God knows.

I kept thinking he would come home anytime especially for Christmas as Randy always sent cards and presents for the family while he was serving in the military. The first Christmas after his disappearance I got him a new radio (boom box) and had it all set up in his room and many presents under the tree, but many Christmas have passed with no word. Randy always loved to decorate and I remember him showing us pictures of his bunk and how he decorated it for Christmas.

I have made an album of Randy, baby pictures, school pictures and military pictures. There are pictures of his first haircut, riding the merry-go-round and sitting in his rocking chair. One Christmas when he got his first bike with training wheels, getting his hot wheels and Randy and his brother, Rick playing on the floor with them, visiting Santa Claus. Have many Christmas cards Randy made in school “Merry Christmas Mom from Randy”; one reads “Merry Christmas Mother” From Randy to Mom. He made a Valentine that reads “Be My Valentine I love you.” You know it.

I will never give up hope that one day Randy will be home and our family will be complete again. Our family will never stop searching for him and I know God knows where he is and I pray that his whereabouts will be revealed soon. There are members of our family that Randy has never seen and one of his niece’s has a son named after Randy.

I only cope with Randy missing with the help of God’s love and the peace he gives me and I must go on for the rest of the family, which consists of my daughter and two other sons. We all love and miss Randy very much, we miss his laughter and his willingness to always help someone, and he was always there for his family and especially for his mother.

Arlene Spring, Mother of Randy

Learn more about Randy

Home for the Holidays: Beverly Meadows 12/27/09

Beverly Meadows, missing from Marshall, TX since 12/26/2008

A Christmas and Birthday Message for Beverly

"We love you and we miss you so very much each and every day."

"Christmas will not be the same without you. Also, we hope and pray that we will be able to give you a hug and tell you Happy Birthday this year - December 31, 2009."

My daughter, Beverly Meadows, has been missing since December 26, 2008. She was a resident at the Community Care Nursing Home in Marshall, Texas, and it is believed that she walked out of the Nursing Home that evening. We have not had one clue as to her disappearance. No one has seen or heard from her since that date. The last time I saw Beverly was on Christmas Day and the last time I talked to her on the telephone was the day she disappeared. I told her I would see her before her Birthday which was December 31. Beverly and I talked on the phone almost every day of the week. The only place that I believe Beverly would have wanted to go would be to her home which is about twenty miles from the Nursing Home. She didn't make it to her home and we have looked constantly with no leads as to where she could be.

Christmas has always been a very special time for our family. Beverly has one brother and one sister and several nieces and nephews. She has always shown her love to each and every one of them. We would always gather as a family and spend the day together, eating Christmas dinner with special treats (not worrying about the calories - we would count those on another day) and opening gifts from each other. This year we will still get together as a family but there will be a great big hole in our hearts and a silence that Beverly always seemed to fill with her laughter and joy of the simple things of life that lots of people seem to take for granted.

One thing we could always count on was that Beverly would want to go out and look at all the Christmas lights. She loved just going out and driving through the streets and seeing all the beautiful Christmas lights and decorations. We would drive for hours just looking and enjoying them. Now I have already begun to see the Christmas decorations and I have to stop and get control of my feelings before I can continue down the street because I look over at the empty seat in the car and know how much my heart hurts because she is not there. I always tell her right then and there that I love her and miss her.

Beverly still has her home on a rural street in Texas and her brother and his family lives on that same street. When Beverly and I would drive down that street going to her home all of the little animals would actually follow our vehicle and wait for her to get out of the car so she could pet them. They knew the vehicle and who might be in it. Picture this - dogs, cats, and little ducks in a row just following along behind the vehicle just waiting for Beverly to hug them and give them a little special treat that she always had ready and waiting for them. The little horses and goats would be waiting by the neighbor's fence to see Beverly. She always filled the bird feeders as soon as she got home and we would sit on her front porch and watch all the beautiful birds come and get their bird seeds. To this date, the little animals still follow my vehicle down her street but as soon as I open the door they know she is not there. How very sad to know that they miss her, too. It was not unusual for Beverly to receive a bag of bird seed as a Christmas gift or a bag of cat or dog food because she would definitely make sure that all the little animals were fed. Beverly has had many pets during her lifetime, always treating each one so special and giving each one their own special name and in return she received unconditional love from all of them. Now, all of her pets have passed on to Pet Heaven through the years. She only had one sheep left to care for when she went missing so because we couldn't give him the care he needed we gave him to a nice family who promised to care for him.

Beverly always went shopping for Christmas cards early and sent them out early. The first Christmas card to be received in the mail box would be from Beverly and you would know it was meant especially for you and you could open it up and it would be playing Christmas music. Now even to this date, Beverly is still getting cards in her mailboxfor all occasions from friends who do not want to believe that she is really gone. They say when she gets back home she will open them so I put them in a box and save them for her and hope some day she will be able to read them. Even though Beverly was not seeing these friends because she was embarrassed to be in a Nursing Home and she had gained a little weight but they were still sending her cards in the mail and she always looked forward to opening her mail box and finding them. They knew she was a beautiful, kind-hearted, caring person - both inside and out. I always think of Beverly as a good example of how the people in the world should treat each other and it would be a much better place to live.

We have found in our daily search for Beverly that most people want to surround themselves by people who make them feel good so they turn their heads and look the other way. Or, they ask how old she is and as soon as they know she is not a child they lose interest. I always have to say that a daughter is still your child or a son is still your child and the more years you have with them - the more memories that you have to remember. I am sorry but right now I can't pretend to be happy just to make others feel good. Also, I have found that most people do not know what to say when I tell them that my daughter is missing. I understand this because I have thought back to the time before Beverly was missing and tried to think of what I might have said to someone and it is very hard. But the one thing I would have asked if there is any way I can help in your search. I would have followed through by doing something that was helpful. It really hurts when people say they will help and never show up to offer a helping hand.

One thing I do is look at each and every face of the people I meet today. Not only looking for Beverly but for other people who are missing. I saw a girl in a store that looked so much like my daughter, I turned around and talked to her and told her that my daughter is missing and she ended up giving me a hug - which meant a lot to me. One thing that is extremely hard to do is go to Walmarts because that is where Beverly and I would go shopping almost every week for necessities for her and treats for the little animals. It is very difficult to walk down the aisles in the store now without thinking of her and wiping away the tears. I always take a handful of tissues and I usually make my trips to the store short.

My husband and I rented a vehicle for several days and drove over six hundred miles searching for Beverly and handing out posters. Our vehicle is getting a little old and we use it now for shorter trips each week. We went to some major hospitals and we drove to a lot of little towns and told people about Beverly. On a road in Texas, I saw a girl standing outside starting to get in a big truck with a guy and she looked so much like my daughter, same hair, same face, same clothes - just so much resemblance. I drove down the road a short distance and looked at my husband and said, "I have to go back and talk to that girl and see if she is Beverly." After turning around and going back and talking to the girl standing by the truck I knew she wasn't my daughter. She understood and I told her to please tell her family the things she needs to tell them today because you never know what tomorrow will bring.

Thank goodness, my husband - Beverly's stepfather - always goes with me no matter where I go and is always there for me. Well, actually, he doesn't go through all the wooded areas I search because he is afraid of snakes. Oh, by the way, I am also afraid of snakes but I have only come face to face with a couple of snakes and they were just as afraid of me as I was of them. I have also spoken to many homeless people living in the edge of the woods in the most unexpected places. I always talk to them and ask their name and where they are from and if they are missing and if there is anyone I can contact for them or is there anything I can do to help them.

This Christmas is going to be the toughest Christmas I have ever lived through but I have to maintain my sanity and realize that I have other family members who need me. We are going to celebrate Christmas at their homes and my husband and I will be there to let them know that we are here for them, also. Beverly's biological Dad passed away on February 19, 2005, and he will be remembered by all the family. It was so extremely hard for Beverly to lose her Dad because she loved him unconditionally and talked about him all the time and missed him so very much.

I can look in every room in my home and see things that Beverly has bought me for past Christmas - especially beautiful pictures and little statues of angels. Beverly always bought Christmas gifts for lots of people but the one special gift that she bought for me was for Mother's Day. It is a balloon that has these words printed on it - Mom, admit it! I am your favorite, aren't I? Signed by Beverly Theresa, Happy Mothers Day - 1987. This balloon is twenty-two years old and still has not lost its shape. I also have a picture of Beverly that was taken on that same Mother's Day in 1987.

This is the first Christmas that Beverly has been missing but it seems like it has been two because she was missing the day after Christmas last year. The shock and trauma that we suffered that day when we found out Beverly was missing has erased the memory of that Christmas. My heart goes out to all of the people who have lived through years and years without their loved ones. Unless you have lived through the agony of not knowing where your loved one is there is no possible way you could understand how heart-wrenching it really is. I can definitely say that time passing does not make it any easier.

The first few months Beverly was missing I couldn't eat because I thought she may be hungry, when I was cold - I wondered if she was out there in the cold. My mind is constantly thinking of where she could be - is she hungry - is someone helping her -is she being held against her will - is she out there taking care of someone else -or is she already in Pet Heaven - taking care of all the little pets that she loved so very much. Yes, when my mind has to go there, I can picture her holding and caring for the little pets.

This Christmas we are planning to release twelve red heart balloons (one for each month that Beverly has been missing) and we will write on each one to express how much we love and miss her. We released balloons at the Cue Center National Road Tour stop in Bossier City, Louisiana, on August 20, 2009, and it was such a lasting memory. It was an amazing feeling just watching them climb higher and higher into the sky. At that time I knew that if Beverly was still missing on Christmas Day, we would be releasing balloons for the one year mark.

I agree, it has been extremely hard writing this because I have to actually put the words on paper of the thoughts that wonder through my mind each and every day. Sometimes I wonder if I were terminally ill if I could actually lay down and die not knowing where my daughter is and if she is ok. As long as I am alive I will be searching for her. For each day that Beverly is missing, I put another penny in a jar. Beverly loved dropping pennies in my path so each time I find one I know she has placed it there. When all is said and done, "Little things really do mean a lot!"

Thank you so very much to Project Jason for giving me the opportunity to put some of my thoughts into writing so that others can have a glimpse into Beverly's life and my life since she has been missing.

Liz Lingenfelter
Beverly Meadows' Mother

Learn more about Beverly

Home for the Holidays: Bobbi Ann Campbell 12/24/09

Bobbi Ann Campbell, missing from Salt Lake City, UT since 1/7/1995

My mom, Bobbi Ann Campbell, went missing on December 27, 1994. We were living with my great grandparents at the time. My mom and I went to her friend’s house to give her a Christmas present. My mom asked her friend to baby sit me while she went to go pick up her paycheck and then go to the bank and cash the check. I fell asleep waiting for my mom to come get me. When I woke up my mom still wasn’t there. I called my great grandparents and they came and got me. My grandpa went to report her missing after a couple of days. They said to wait because she is an adult. My grandpa drove around aimlessly looking for my mom’s car. He went to her place of employment to find my mom had never made it to pick up her paycheck. My grandpa kept going back to the police station until they filed a missing persons report.

I was only with my mom for a few short years, but I can still remember the holidays I spent with her. She used to make some of our Christmas ornaments by hand. My mom was a very creative woman. I have home a home video of our last Christmas together that help keep the memories with me. She was so happy to watch everyone open their presents. She was filming me, my great grandma, and my great grandpa while we opened ours and she waited until we were done to open hers. That Christmas, I remember waking everyone up at about 3 or 4 A.M. The last present I opened that Christmas was from my “Santa”. It was a Super Nintendo. I was so excited to play it. I remember playing it that day with my mom.

This Christmas is not only my 15^th Christmas without my mom, it’s also the 15^th anniversary of when I last saw her. When I was little every Christmas I would leave a note for Santa next to his cookies and milk.

“Dear Santa,

All I want for Christmas this year is my mom to come home. I miss her a lot. I don’t care about the presents. Just her. It would make my family happy too. Thank you.

Love,

Stephanie Farrell”

Every year I would come out hoping my mom would be there waiting for me next to the Christmas tree.

Every Thanksgiving dinner we have as a family, my great grandparents talk about how much my mom loved the canned cranberries. I’m pretty sure that’s the only reason they still put them out.

During the holidays I still find myself wondering what she would want for Christmas if she were here. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think about her. During the holidays my mom is all I can think about.

My mom cared so much about making every one else happy. I miss her laugh.

I still write her notes all the time. For her birthday, Mothers Day, Christmas, Etc. I attach them to a helium balloon and send them off, wishing they would fly to my mom.

I’m sure I’m not alone here. Almost every Christmas song makes me cry. For example: “I’ll Be Home For Christmas”, “Blue Christmas”, and “All I Want For Christmas Is You” just to name a couple.

I miss my mom so much. I wish she could be here for the holidays. Hopefully someday I will have some answers. Hopefully the answers will help me get through them a little easier.

-Stephanie Amandia Cook

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